Cold...

I'm sitting here hoping that he's not actually offline, that he might reply just once to say goodnight. My hands are freezing and I'm hating my self for being so needy and pathetic.

I am nothing alone. I live through others and cannot exist without someone else. I cannot exist without him. I know we've been incomparably lucky to be able to see each other every day, but the hint of the fact that tomorrow I might not see him; that tomorrow I will be alone in this stinking house full of people the entire day... That terrifies me. I cannot face it. I cannot "deal" with it! If I don't see him tomorrow... If anything ever happens to him... If I ever end up alone...

I sit here and dig my nails into the palms of my hands, trying to reason with this black fear that creeps over me and catches my breath, choking me into submission. I don't think sleep will come easy tonight...